"Over there, captain! I can almost see my sense of shame!"

Rebecca Gayheart was spotted topless with her husband, Eric Dane, on a chartered yacht during their vacation in Porto Cervo. Which might actually be exciting if she was hot or if I knew who the hell she was. Or if she was juggling live rattlesnakes. Because, really, that's all I'm looking for in my topless celebrity shots. Live rattlesnake juggling.

Most of these are NSFW.

UPDATE: Apparently in 2001, this Rebecca Gayheart character ran over and killed a 9-year-old boy. So, uh, that's horribly morbid.

Paris Hilton was spotted on a beach in Hawaii doing some sort of slut calisthenics. She's literally just lying there practicing spreading her legs, like she's training for some nonexistent whore competition. If you ever went on a date with her, I imagine this is the last thing you'd see before passing out and waking up to find doctors desperately trying to save your life by amputating your burning genitals. And the whole time the doctor would just be shaking his head side to side screaming, "The horror!"